How do I get past the resentment I feel toward my husband?

I've been married less than 2 years. When things are going well, my husband rarely talks to me, except for an interest in and for what is necessary. We are in counselling but he says I am high strung and won't accept him as he is. He can't hear (refuses to wear his hearing aid) and procrastinates about everything. I realize when I try to have a voice, he downplays what I say. He refuses to do what the counselor suggests unless he thinks I am going to kick him out, then he minimally does what he has to to keep us together. I am trying hard to stay married, but am so resentful toward his lack of participation unless their is a problem. I don't want to divorce; but need to figure out how to be happy when married to a jerk. I would appreciate real suggestions from people that have been there and have found a way to make it work while married to a difficult selfish spouse. Also, he is a hoarder and will not get rid of anything.